My Reflections in Recent Conversations with my Black Brothas
For many, but not all Black men, we are socialized to be competitive, self-confident, loyal, strong, with an unyielding hardness or emotional guard, demonstrating an ethic of respect, and the expectation of protecting the people we love. This can also look like an ability to be fortified against almost anything. “Softness” or weakness could get you killed or exploited. There are elements of Black masculinities that can serve as necessary protection in a world where negative stereotypes, ignorance, and enacted violence against Black people profoundly impacts daily experience and a lack of safety. These elements of Black masculinities can also make it seem like folks are untouched by the daily emotional, psychological, and social weights of living in an oppressive society. There is little time to feel because you have to get on with the daily toil. So, better to not reveal what may be more deeply underneath. Better to push down and suppress things. This is often the way.
This way of being can also be a trap.
On one hand, this provides the means to survive, take care of responsibilities, and show up to complete the duties and tasks of life. To not be a victim. On the other hand, it can be exhausting living on high alert and guard all of the time, preparing for the enemy to attack. Armor is heavy. One can build strength to carry the load of this armor but often some things will have to give. Where is respite found? What do you sacrifice? If we do not engage with connection with people who reciprocate care there is a heightened potential to have emotionally impaired relationships. And this is when we need the most support.
Can’t Black men have both - emotional attunement and swagger? Vulnerability in safe connection and strength of mind, body, and spirit?
If showing both, would this make one less than a man, less masculine?
My hope for us is not merely survival, but also the ability to thrive in family, relationship, community, career, education, spirit, and finances. My hope for Black men is to be able to be fully human in all experiences, as we have already lost so much in degradation, devaluation, and death. I do not want to be deprived of a means to heal.